Best Friends

I am a female, and I identify myself as a female. I like being a ‘girl’ and never thought of myself as anything different. My identity is made up by many things: the way I dress, the way I act, and the goals I set for myself. One day I want to be a wife and mother and have a family of my own to take care of. I want to be a nurse to help others and earn a living to support my family. I think my goals do absolutely conform with and follow the ‘ethics of care’ that women are prone to fulfill by their very nature. In caring for my family and caring for others through my career in nursing, I absolute conform to the ethics of care, and I feel content with that.

My best friend is Paulina. Paulina just recently moved to San Francisco and I haven’t seen her since August, but we still find ways of staying close and keeping in touch. I think that me and Paulina have a very special bond that is ways if indescribable. We have been through so much together- I’ve known her since I was 7 years old. We lost touch for about five years when I moved to Long Island and she stayed behind in Brooklyn, but we got in touch through Myspace, back in 2007. Since then, we’ve have each other’s backs and supported one another through some of the worst times in our lives thus far. Her Father committed suicide in 2011, and that was a really hard time for her, and for me, as not only did I loose a close person in my life, but I lost Paulina in a sense that she would never be the same again. It’s difficult to think of our friendship sometimes before 2011, just because that was such a defining moment, we use it as a reference point in time. Sometimes I think maybe I suppress the memories we have together before the suicide so that I can move past that friendship that was taken away from me and maintain a friendship with Paulina in the way she is today. I think the essential elements of a friendship are as follows: honesty, support, and happiness. Paulina is one of the most stubborn people I know, and it drives me mad. She has crazy ideas that in my opinion, are stupid. The thing that makes this okay, is that I tell her. When she told me she wanted to move to San Francisco, the complete other side of the country I told her that it think it’s a ridiculous idea, stupid- for lack of a better word. I concluded by telling her that I support her one way or another, and will be here to welcome her home if and when the time comes. She’s been there since June, and still hasn’t exactly found her nook, but her coming back to New York isn’t something that we talk about. She knows that I don’t like the fact she is out there for many reasons, and I know she doesn’t want to entertain the idea of coming back home. It is understood that we don’t talk about this. However, she knows that if she were to need anything, want to talk about anything, just cry about life, etc- I would be there for her without thinking twice.

I think one of the most important things about friendship is having the ability to be happy for someone else, regardless of your own jealousies, downfalls, and current position in life. I have one friend, Bethany, and she just got a promise ring from her boyfriend. I had been in a terrible relationship for about three years that has left me a little bit bitter about the whole idea of trusting relationships. But this is my friend, and something really exciting is happening for her. Telling her I was happy for her, and sincerely meaning it, was really important- you can’t just harp on your own problems, because if these people are in your life, their problems are also your problems, just as their happiness should also be your happiness.

I think you can have as many best friends as you want. I think it’s a heavy term to just through around, but if you’re truly close with someone, maybe you don’t need to put a ‘best friend’ label on it, and its just an understanding. I don’t think any two friendships are alike, especially ‘best’ friendships. I think every connection you make is special and important, and to compare it to others would just belittle and minimize the potential of the connection between two people.

This is a picture of me and Paulina at the Coast of California

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2 thoughts on “Best Friends

  1. I’m sorry that your best friend moves away, but it is nice to hear that you keep in touch with her. My best friend and I live really close to each other, but we don’t get to see each other often due to our schedules. So I can kind of understand how you feel. I think it is great that your friendship is still intact and that you two are still very close. To me, friendship is not about how often you see each other, it is about how you care for each other and the bond that two people have. You seem like a good friend, and that is an extremely important trait to me. You must have had a hard time with the assignment we had where we wrote the letter to the man who was considering suicide because of your experience with Paulina’s father.

  2. I did have a hard time writing the assignment, but I’ve gotten to the point when I accept what happened and just try to understand situations that other people find themselves in so that I can be an advocate for them.

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